a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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