I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
3pm strippers are depressing
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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