At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Randomize
