Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
