Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
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