you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Randomize
