Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
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