Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
