She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
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