I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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