trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
