there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
We are all done wearing pants today
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Randomize
