I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Randomize
