just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
