i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
