I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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