Christians are straight up FREAKS
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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