He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
