i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
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look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
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I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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