Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
