STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
