he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I'm passing your future prison.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
