I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
