Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
