we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
All the doctor said was why
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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