I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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