I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
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