I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
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We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
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The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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