woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
