So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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