if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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