So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Randomize