how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
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He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
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The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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