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census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Randomize
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