Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..