Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it