Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
