Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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