Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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