Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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