Whats the glycemic index on semen?
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
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