chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
