Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
