He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
