I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
