marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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