No awkward lesbian experiences without me
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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