so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Randomize
