I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
