i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Just pee around me
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
