What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Randomize
