Duck Duck Cougar?
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
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