Can Purell be used as lube?
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
