Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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