Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize