Will you blow on my dice?
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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