Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
