I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
So much rum. So many feels.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
