I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
