My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
