Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Rock
Scissors
Fuck
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize