Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
