If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
