You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
