my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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