I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Randomize
