Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Randomize
