??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
so much tequila, so little girl.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Enjoy the penises
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
